


Christmas revelations

by bloomoonbaby



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Birthday, Christmas, Friendship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-24
Updated: 2012-12-24
Packaged: 2017-11-22 07:40:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/607446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloomoonbaby/pseuds/bloomoonbaby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rimmer and Lister reminisce about the first time they celebrated Rimmer's real birthday. Dedicated to all of the awesome people I have met through Red Dwarf! It has and still is an amazing journey with you all! Thank you for being so welcoming and amazing. Set after the events of Red Dwarf X on Christmas eve.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Christmas revelations

It was about half past eleven at night on the Dwarf and Rimmer sat alone in the drive room with a newspaper that was about three million and two years out of date. But no matter, it was not the year that mattered but the date. Today was Christmas eve, and this newspaper was dated the same. He was just reading about Juju the Caroling baboon bringing joy to the old folks in Toronto, Canada when the last human, to our knowledge, stumbled into the room with a large bottle of potent GELF eggnog.  
"Evening Rimmah!" Lister enthused, "It's the man of the hour!" Rimmer turned around in his seat to face Lister.  
"Ah but it is not quite midnight yet Listy!" Rimmer informed Lister.  
"No matter! Come have a drink with me. It is the festive season!" Lister, who was only nicely drunk, thrusted the contents of the so called eggnog into Rimmer's arms.  
"Come on big man!" he cackled not at all evilly. Rimmer looked at the eggnog in his arms and then at Lister's expectant face. Normally Rimmer would refuse outright and then write up Lister for dereliction of duty due to intoxication, but because that look on Lister's face was just so bright, chirpy and although he'd never admit it so god-damn adorable, Rimmer found himself taking a large swig.

Rimmer gagged, it tasted terrible! It reminded Rimmer of the time is brother Howard made him eat mud. Not just a kiddy-sized handful but a whole mud pie. He managed to get that vile liquid down his throat, for about ten seconds before it came right back up again. He leapt out of his seat to try at least reach the waste-basket but never reached there. Rimmer instead landed on his hands and knees and out of his mouth spurted the contents of his stomach consisting of a battery acid type mixture of eggnog, mince pies and corn. Nicely drunk Lister snorted and dropped to his knees beside the heaving Rimmer to rub his back. 

"Sorry Rimmer!" Lister apologised, "Here have a drink of this, it'll make you feel better." he grabs at the eggnog and puts it towards the holograms mouth. Rimmer still a bit disorientated opens his mouth to drink from it again. It takes five seconds for him to realise that the liquid is that eggnog stuff. He yells and pushes the drink and Lister out of the way and gets to his feet.   
"Not smegging funny Lister!" he yelped, "I should put you on report..." Rimmer pauses for a second and his tongue flits out over his bottom lip. Lister sitting sloppily on the ground legs apart and leaning back on his hands grins up at Rimmer.  
"Actually.." Rimmer gasps "That eggnog isn't so bad any more." He grabs the eggnog off the floor and takes a long swig. Lister grins and pats the ground beside him.   
"Ground is nice Rimmer! Take a load off!" Rimmer nods and he the eggnog are soon seated beside Lister on the floor. Lister grabs the eggnog and takes a swig before returning it to Rimmer who took another sip.They passed the eggnog back and forth until they were far past the nicely drunk stage and far into the emotional stage of drunkeness. Sometime between the singing stage and the apologising stage Lister's arm had snaked it's way around Rimmer's waist while Rimmer's arm flopped around Lister's shoulders so both men were snuggled closer together.  
"Rimmer, man I love you." Lister slurred, "I really really love you!" he snuggled closer to Rimmer, his head settling onto Rimmer's chest. Rimmer patted Lister's shoulder.  
"And I love you to Listy." Rimmer said steadily. Lister grinned at that.   
"Hey Arn, do you remember the first time we celebrated your real birthday?" Rimmer blinked at the sound of the unfamiliar nickname.  
"Yeah I do."   
"Hmm, yeah! We were on Starbug, on Christmas Eve just before you got your hardlight body and we just started reading through the crew confidential files."   
"You being the Smeghead you are, grabbed my file and started reading it out in that stupid mocking voice" Rimmer slurred.  
"Haahha yeah!" Lister snorted "And you so wanted to smegging beat me."  
"But then," Rimmer threw back his head to look at the drive room ceiling,"You stopped talking"  
"Yeah, I just read something surprising."  
"I remember you and I sat in silence for what felt like an eternity. Then you said..."  
"Rimmer, it's your birthday in ten minutes isn't it?" Lister murmured. "All you could do was nod."  
"Then you started asking me why I told everybody my birthday was in May."   
"Then you told me why." Both men sat in silence for sometime, remembering the conversation.  
"Then Lister," Rimmer whispered, "You kissed me."  
"Well I tried" Lister snorted. "I fell through you."   
"But then you scrambled to your feet like a goit. Then you wished me a happy birthday", Rimmer paused "And you meant it."  
'Who knew in two weeks, we met Legion and you got your hardlight body." Rimmer looked down at Lister.   
"And you have been kissing me ever since." Lister grinned, he peered at Rimmer's watch wrist which dangled over his shoulder.   
"Happy Birthday Rimmer." Rimmer pulled his arm from around Lister to look at his watch. It said 12:03am. Lister pushed himself up from his embrace with Rimmer. In a kneeling position now facing the hologram he very softly planted a platonic kiss onto Rimmer's lips. Rimmer's eyes lit up, and Lister would later swear in 20 years that he looked like a teenager again. Rimmer very drunkenly opened his arms up to Lister, offering him an embrace. Lister made himself comfortable in the hologram's arms and very soon after some drunken kissing both men warmed by the eggnog and each other fell into a contented sleep.

They would be woken up by Kryten and the Cat in the morning. Kryten with a bucket, cloth and washing detergent furiously scrubbing at the vomit on the drive room floor. Cat would be playing with the Christmas baubles before prodding Lister with a perfectly manicured nail demanding his super special Christmas Krispies. Eventually the boys would get shakily to their feet, hungover, Lister would stagger to get the Cat's special breakfast and Rimmer to the nearest shower.  
Later everyone get together into one of the bars on E deck and have a massive feast. Presents would be exchanged and at the end of it Hogey would burst in with a Christmas cake made from sultanas, bits of old mattress,asbestos and turpentine, and demand for his battle through time and space. Kryten would placate him with Christmas ham while Lister and Rimmer would excuse themselves and the trifle, to go to the Captain's quarters for dessert.


End file.
